My name is Kelly Barr, and I am a 34-year-old mother of four children plus a stepchild. Their ages are 5 years old, 5 years old again, 2 1/2 years old, and 1 year old, and an 19 year old daughter Crystal Barr. I have made mistakes; the first one was being sexually active before I could cope with the reality of pregnancy and parenting. The second big mistake was not finishing high school and getting a diploma and a college degree. The third one was I married at 16 years of age to my one-year-old’s father an 18 year old service man. After a few months we moved 14 hours away from our families. How could I afford to go back to school with school fees and daycare costs on an E-1 pays for three people. There weren’t Internet schools and affordable computers in 1990. The fourth was thinking I knew how to be a mother, a military wife, and adult at 16 years old. The fifth one was not listening to the people who surrounded, guided, and loved me enough to tell me the truth.
I wish I could go back and change the things I've done wrong. I really would do things differently, especially after watching our daughter Crystal now 19 year old suffer badly for her parent’s stupidity and inability to compromise with each other in her best interest. I always felt I had a good relationship with my eldest child, but soon realized that I was wrong – some parents learn they too are truly unaware of whom their teenager is becoming. I never truly realized how she was caught between us and how hard we made life for her. She felt that she couldn't tell me she wanted to live with her dad. I felt, if Crystal had thought through all the changes that would occur in her life, I would have of taken her wants more seriously, Crystal hates change! This way I would know she truly wanted to live with her father and not just when we were fighting. Why pay to go back to court for her to possibly turn around and say she wants to come back home and we pay to go back to court again. Crystal's favorite phrase to say, just to hurt me was, “Fine then I'll just go live with dad”. Dad allowed this behavior by blamed my bad parenting skills for her behavior, instead of making her responsible for her own behavior. Which encouraged this negative attention seeking behavior. This made things worse because our daughter then felt she didn’t have to do the things I asked of her. We fought like many mothers and daughters do during the teenage years. We talked a lot, we did lots of activities in and out of the home, and we even worked together on several occasions! She suffers from memory impairment, ADD, depression, loss of her family by divorce in 1997, anger, guilt, and anxiety, some of which was due to us fighting over her. She has been on medications for the majority of the last seven years.
In January 2005. Crystal’s father told me I had to remove my second daughter’s father from my home or lose Crystal living with me, I complied. My second daughter’s father was removed from my home in February 2005. My ex- husband took me back to court anyway for joint custody and for custodial residency of our 14-year-old – Crystal now 19. At this time, I found out that she had made molestation allegations against my then fourteen months old second daughter's father. My Ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend took me to court in April 2005 – a parent’s worst nightmare. My ex-husband received what he petitioned and Crystal soon moved in with her father in June of 2006. She has rarely come to see her sibling or myself. My ex-boyfriend – my second daughter’s father – was investigated on the molestation charges by the DCFS, the police and a states attorney officer. The allegations were unfounded and no further criminal action was taken against him. We were able to settle on joint custody and residency; no designated custodial parent.
I can say these last three years of parenting time with my ex-boyfriend have been very hard for me but I made it work for the best interest of my second daughter. During the past three years, I have had two more children with my live-in boyfriend – a son born in 2007 and daughter born in 2008. My ex-boyfriend feels my current boyfriend should take care of four children, cook, bathe, negate his visitation with his daughter from his prior marriage, and put our kids to bed. Whatever is necessary so that only I can drive her to the Oakbrook Police Station to meet him for the exchange of our daughter for parenting times. In addition, the last three years I have shared parenting time and have had the exchanges of his and my daughter (now 5 years old) the Oakbrook Police Department, special events, Sunny Acres in Northlake (twice), the taste of Westmont in Westmont (twice), Elm Fest in Elmhurst (thrice), Loyola Primary Care Center in Darien (twice), Loyola Hospital in Maywood, Good Samaritan Hospital (twice), Elmhurst Hospital (five times), my ex-boyfriend work place in Elmhurst, Downers Grove Post Office, Bass Pro Shop in Bolingbrook, Jewel in Lombard, Dominick's in Elmhurst, Parks in Westmont, Elmhurst, Downers Grove, and Lombard. We have also met at the following restaurants: Chucky Cheese in Lombard and Darien, IHOP in Bolingbrook, Denny's in Willowbrook, Oakbrook, Maxfield's in Lombard, Lume's in Lombard, Eagle's Downers Grove, Omega in Downers Grove, Harvest in Westmont, Bohemian Crystal in Westmont, Dairy Queen Westmont and Downers Grove, Rainbow in Elmhurst, Two brothers of Italy in Elmhurst, and Old Country Buffet in Lombard; Furthermore, we have shared parenting time and exchanges in my home.
My ex- boyfriend arrives at my home on Monday afternoons between 3:30 to 4:00 pm and stays until 7:00-8:00 pm to visit and then leaves with our daughter for an overnight visit until I pick her up at OBPD at 2:30 pm on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays she is returned to her father between 8:00-10:00 am at the OBPD and picked back up at the OBPD at 2:30 pm. On some Thursdays we (he, myself, and all my children) will meet and exchange his and my daughter at restaurants or the OBPD. Otherwise he is at my home between 10:00-12:00 am to pick up our daughter for their Thursday overnight visits at his home. He has her on Fridays during the day until 4:00-5:00 pm. At that point, he returns our daughter to my home and he visits there with our daughter until 7:00-8:00 pm. He then returns on Saturdays between 3:30-4:00 pm and stays to visit until 7:00-8:00 pm. He doesn't see our daughter on Sundays due to work schedule.
He has had her for six days a week, which I agreed upon since I hadn’t been working. He has very liberal visitation and yet still took me back to court in Dupage County on February 9 at 8:30 am. He claims I denied him his parenting time. When I took off for 5 days, which I informed both fathers (ex and current boyfriend) I was leaving to think some things through. I left December 27th 2008 at 3:30 pm leaving our daughter in my boyfriends care for 15 minutes before her father came over to share our regular Saturday afternoon parenting time at my home. He arrived at 3:45 pm on 12-27-08 and left our daughter in my boyfriend's care. He never took our daughter from my home during the time I was absent (12-27-08 to 12-31-09). I slept at a friend’s house on the night of 12-31-08 so my daughter could have a sleepover at my home with her father who refused to stay the night if I was in the home overnight. My boyfriend, daughter (5), brother (2) and sister (4months) were home on December 31st 2008 at 11:30 am. I left at 6:00 pm so my daughter could have her sleepover with her father and returned home again on 01-01-09 about 4:00 pm. After parenting for 18 years, I needed a few days to think about what I need and want to do for the well being of my family and self and get a little sleep. Each day I stopped by the house to visit my children and drop off breast milk for the baby.
My car broke down twice in four days. The first time near Quality Transmissions on Ogden Avenue in Downers Grove where the car was looked at and fixed the same day. The second time was at my residence two days later. Cars and Trucks in Lombard fixed it with in five days, and I got rides to and from my house from my father and friends. While I was away, I worked, had my vehicle repaired, saw my children, decided to enroll in high school, and start a part-time cleaning service. I have acquired two clients so far and have been able to pay for enrollment at an online high school program, which starts during the first week of February. I have become a part-time student; work part-time and take care of my children who are 5 and under. I feel great about the time I took away from the family. It has had very positive effect on my life and helped me see where I need to better my life for my children. Upon my return, I tried to explain the change in my situation to my daughter’s father and my need to help financially care for my family and he still took me back to court. All I was asking for was for someone else to drive our daughter to the meeting spot and for him to give me more notice of his weeks parenting time so I can work, go to school, care for children, and time to nurse my baby, with more notice I can better accommodate all parties included.
Our daughter goes to kindergarten in August 2009. He might want to figure out what kind of parenting time he wants after August instead of trying to force his parenting schedule that won't work in six months when our daughter goes to kindergarten. The schedule has to change before this August 2009. Why would our daughter’s father ask the court to impose a period of incarceration for the mother for allegedly keeping him from seeing our child for a first time offense of withholding our child from him? Why not ask the court to fine me money or ask for joint custody and custodial residency of the minor child be awarded to him and ask the mother to pay child support? My-boyfriend claims to have taken care of his and my daughter when my ex did. How does jail time solve our issue now or in the future this isn't the issue at hand!!! I have never in three years had a physical address for her father I was told he lived in Elmhurst above a pizzeria. In October 2008, just after his mother’s passing away, I was told by him pointed to an apartment building in Addison telling me, “I am moving there in a week my sisters and family are going to help me move in”.
Her father is acting like I'm not allowed to have a life outside of him seeing his daughter, yet over the last five weeks he has not attempted to see our daughter on some of his regular days. Now he uses the 48 hour notification as reason he can't see her. I'm confused, why is he taking me back to court over loss of parenting time and asking I go to jail for this, yet he isn't seeing her at his requested times. He wants me to pay his lawyer’s fees, but how can I pay his court costs when only I can take and pick up for exchanges at OBPD. Who will hire me when I have to be the one present at exchanges? What am I suppose to say, “excuse me Boss I'll be back in an hour I need to get my daughter so her father can go to work. Free to not have to deal with our daughter, while I leave work to be where he says”? I'll lose that job the first day. What’s the real issue here I wonder? This parenting schedule is making it impossible for our 5-year-old daughter to go to preschool cause she's with dad when she would be in school. Dad doesn't feel the need to take our daughter to preschool while she is in his care and that's a waste of money. We agreed to first right of refusal for long periods away from our child for babysitting purposes. He gets angry when people that he doesn't approve of watch our daughter. His actions include yelling at me that our child is not my boyfriends responsibility; yet he leaves her in my boyfriends care when I'm not home, and I have no money to send her to daycare to help my work and school situation.
I am aware of my inability to represent myself and don't have the money for school, four kids, a car that became in operational again on 02-08-09. For the third time in two months it needs to be repaired. Very hard to go to work when car's not running, harder to obtain a lawyer, or represent myself, go to mediation, grocery shop Dr.appts.and get to court. My boyfriend and I dragged three kids to the courthouse on 02-09-09 only to be ordered to do (PAK) mediation before 03-16-09 and given 21 days to hire a lawyer or represent myself. My Ex hired an attorney in Naperville with 17 years of experience in litigation and family law to represent him again. On 02-09-09 in front of the court mediator he started explaining to our daughter why he needed a lawyer. I informed my ex and his lawyer about my car not being drivable and If he wanted our daughter for his parenting time that day I couldn't drive her to him later that day. When his truck broke down on 02-03-09 my boyfriend brought my 5 year old to her father at Rt. 83 and 16th Street, yet upon informing him of my car troubles he became hostile and unreasonable choosing not to take his parenting time on 02-07-09, 02-09-09, 02-10-09, and again on 02-11-09. When I asked him politely to not discuss court with our daughter, he told me off.
In August of 2008 I gave birth to a baby girl. My ex dropped our daughter (5) off at Good Samaritan Hospital 15 hours after giving birth so he could do what he needed to. He couldn't find a sitter for her, and I was told it's not his fault that I had a kid with someone else and it shouldn't ever interfere with my ability to exchange our daughter with him. My daughter (5) stayed with me for 11 hours in the maternity ward until I was released at 11:15 pm. This is the third time he has dropped her at a hospital basically demanding I care for the child while he works. This parenting schedule he demands and forces on me are against our child and my constitutional rights and is not in the best interest of our daughter. Don't I have the right to at least work and attend school. I have struggled with the idea that I invited this man into my life and home.
My daughters father is asking the courts for jail time, telling our daughter (5) that Mommy’s going to jail, and why he needs to hire a lawyer. Claims I took off without his knowledge and only he cared for our daughter in my absence himself. He never took her out of my residence, he saw her twice at my house for a few hours leaving our daughter in my boyfriends care. He sees our daughter six days a week and demands only I bring our daughter to Oakbrook Police Department for all exchanges. I have enrolled in school on line, am trying to find work cleaning apartments, trying to create an on-line business, and, build up my website. This visitation schedule that he is asking for the court to enforce violates my ability to work, go to school, and financially and physically to care for 4 children 5 years old, 4 years old, 2 years old, and 5 months old. My kids have to be woke up from naps, be feed late, put to bed late, and, dragged about because of what my ex wants and now he wants it court ordered. I really need help this visitation schedule has caused much duress to my boyfriend, all children, and myself. He is misrepresenting our parenting schedule for the last three years. Three days a week he comes to my house stays and visits with us. I drive our daughter to OBPD, two at most three days a week and in the last year or so my boyfriend has taken half the time. Father has demanded parenting time takes priority over everything in my life including broken down car, in hospital giving birth, my other children being hospitalized, work, school, daughter being in preschool or my boyfriends visitation with his daughter 5 years old who lives with her mother. If enforced what life do I have outside of my Ex and his wants. I need help. This is the third time I have been in family court in three years. I really need help! I will help file court papers, help type them, anything to help keep cost down and improve my chances of getting representation.
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